Tuesday, April 19, 2011

This Life We Live

Just something I have been walking through. Thought I would share...
Our 2 younger children and I were members of the same home school group in basically two different forms for 5 years. 5 years! There were no offers for play dates, no hanging out unless it was organized by the entire group. It was and still is a bubble in this big world we live in.
For the longest time I was o.k. with it. I thought well it's not really big deal. We will do our thing and they can do theirs.
Then, after a while it it became very lonely. Our 14 year old son has 1 good friend. Which I know is golden, however it's really not fair. When I asked why these other children could not come to our house I was greeted with these answers. We don't know what our kids are going to be doing there. You watch T.V., you let your kids play video games, you listen to music we don't approve of.... On and on thoughts of insecurity and worry. It is not the way I want to raise our children.
If we shelter our children from everything what's going to happen when we let them go into the world?
It has left me angry and hurt. I have often felt like an outsider. BUT, not anymore. We showed up yesterday and today in that same group to have Caleb tested for 8th grade. Only the people I am friends with said hello. The other's literally turned their backs and ignored us. REALLY these are grown woman. I was unaware that this was an exclusive group.
Then, I felt the Lord impress something upon me. "They know not what they do for they are not happy in their own lives....." It was like a revelation. I am happy, I am grateful, I am proud of our lives and where we are in our walk with the Lord. Maybe this is the difference. I do not want to judge but it had never occurred to me before. So, I will walk away and hold our heads high. Maybe if I am meant to I'll whisper a prayer  for them in hopes that God will soften my heart over this hurt.  say of I am meant to because at this moment I am still angry.
I am releasing our children into the world of public school next year. Our oldest Andrew has done very well there. It all comes with little hiccups along the way but we will tread down this new path with hope. Hope that the lights that our children are will be reflective onto others. The compassion and love they have for life if contageous and maybe it will rub off. I know it has on me.
Only time will tell.

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