Thursday, April 07, 2016

A Blog for my Thoughts

I was going to let this blog go. However, I have found the need to have a place just to vent, and talk. A place to yell out loud if I need to. Today is one of those day! 

I love my life, my husband and our children. I really do. There are days though that come and I wonder the what ifs? What if I had finished college,(I really don't want o go now), what if I had lived there and not here? What if I chose a career rather than home schooling our children?

Then, as I settle in and realize I am being a little hormonal. I realize how very blessed I am. Blessed to have 3 beautiful children, blessed to live in a nice house, blessed to have great dogs, blessed to be a Christian, blessed to love to cook, and read, and decorate and be organized, blessed to be able to home school,blessed to be married to a good man. 
I am blessed! 

So my word for the day is 

Blessed!

If I focus on that the what ifs fade into the background.




Monday, August 17, 2015

Reviving a blog.

How does one revive a blog? I am not sure but I am going to try. I wanted to close it. I actually did for about 2 years. But it seemed fitting to restart. 
Life hasn't gotten any easier. In fact it's harder. I just decided picking u and carrying it a lot easier than starting over. 
We are in our 14th year of home schooling. Our middle son graduated. He is taking a gap year to decide what he wants to do. Our oldest son works for us full time. 
Our marriage is about to head into it's 24th year. I turn 45 on Thursday. We are very busy. However, in the moments of busy are moments of quiet. Moments when watching a movie or swimming on the pool are enough. Moments when life is slow and I am grateful.
That sounds a like a good restart. 
So here we go. 
See you tomorrow.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Pain

This may be a jump around nonsensical post about many things. I just need to get them out of my brain. The past three days have been horrible. Just horrible. Alice has been sick, no one is sleeping and most of all our young pastor committed suicide. Yup you heard right. At first I was on shock, then I got REALLY mad! I mean really mad! I didn't expect it, it wasn't planned it was just an accumulation of the pain from the rest of the year!
It's been a doozy. It started out ok. Things were fairly ordinary. Then, in March our older son Andrew's dear friend lost his life to a motorcycle accident. He was barely 21, has a 1 year old little boy and a beautiful girlfriend. His life was stolen away in a moment. 
In April Alice's had her tonsils and adenoid out and that was horrible!!! She couldn't swallow, couldn't talk and when she did try to eat or drink it would come out her nose. Her body had to rebuild the strength to swallow because the adenoid left an enormous gap between her nose and her esophagus. She lost 12 pounds and it took 6 weeks to recover.
Then, in May, Andrew went with a ton of middle school boys on a weekend our church calls "The Dangerous and Daring Weekend". He was showing them how to cut wood and missed, he nearly cut off his left hand. Through Orthoscopic micro surgery he was blessed to regain all his strength and has full use of both his hand and wrist but it has taken the greater part of the rest of the year to recover. He fell in to a depression and decided to leave school behind for the rest of the year. By grace of God alone he is working and he is mentally back to his old self only stronger.
In June, our sweet beloved Buster, our 95 pound Kerr and Rotty Mix developed cancer and he had to be put down. We cried and cried and cried. 
In August relationships were ended and we found our that my Mom had a stroke. Yet, again by grace of God alone she has fully recovered and is just like her old self. 
In November we found out that our sweet Alice has several learning disorders. She came home form school to be home schooled, which was always my preference, however it is a rigorous and demanding routine.
Our middle son Caleb, battles and enlarged heart and Steve, my husband is a two time heart attack survivor. He is 50.
Now this. Call me selfish but enough is enough! I just want a chance to breath. We will grieve him from afar. Over the past 22 years we have experienced, now 3 suicides, 2 accidental deaths, Steve's Dad to cancer, he was 65, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and our sweet friends 5 year old daughter. Enough funerals!
Why am I telling you all this why? Because we all walk through pain. Pain we tell no one else about , pain that could cripple us from the inside out, pain that makes us angry, depressed and causes us to want to give up.
Here is why I don't.......
 JESUS
 is enough for me to keep on. To keep hope alive, to let my tears wash away my pain, to allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in the places of my heart that I cannot reach.
 To pray to laugh to wonder. Jesus is enough. 
He is big enough to wash away ALL my PAIN!!!

Monday, December 02, 2013

THE CONDITION OF THEIR HEART

The past few weeks have been very busy. We have gone from public to home school again for Alice. It's a lot of things but mainly the inability to get the help we need from a broken public school system. So we are at home on a 4 hour a day school and therapy program. I know that this is going to work. Alice is amazing and the gaps will soon close in her learning. 
Someone asked me again recently why I think that we can school her at home better than the system? Do you have 9 or 10 hours??? This person meant well but just kept saying there must be a school. 
I said there is: 
The Johnson Family Academy of Home School and Educational Therapy.
 We will be able to school, her do her therapy, do art, music and more. There will be cooking, science, gardening, and playtime lots and lots of playtime. 
I am happy to have her here. I love our kids and I know that I was meant more than anything in the world to be their mom. I may not drive the fanciest car, own a home right now or have a fancy boat. But I do have their very best interest at heart.
A wise wise friend one told me the most important thing about our kiddos.
At the end of every day, as you pray for your family, does it REALLY matter how much they have accomplished? What really matters is the condition of their HEART!!! 
WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE CONDITION OF THEIR HEART!!!!!!



It's all I need to know.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

We are a busy people.

Blogging every day is really hard. I just do not think to do it. We are a busy people aren't we?
Government shutdown
Syria
School
Grocery Shopping
Soccer Games
Numerous events
Our own needs
We are a very busy people.
However, I am in such a strange position this year. God has really just MADE me slow down.
Listen more, be quiet more, reflect more.
I had a conversation with my husband yesterday. I told him that it was really quiet in our lives right now and although we think something is wrong it isn't. We've just had so many scary things happen we don't know how to just be.
It the 
PEACE 
we have been looking for.
So take more time to make cookies, celebrate fall, go Christmas shopping (Yes Christmas shopping), and relish in the fact that this time next year you will wonder why you were so busy???




Monday, September 30, 2013

Proverbs 31 Wanna Be

Hey it's Monday!!! I always have a lot to do. Someone recently asked what a mom at home does all day? So here it goes:
I get up around 7:30. I get Alice up. I feed her, she gets dressed, we make her lunch. I taker her to school.
The, I come home answer emails, facebook etc. I pay bills and get organized for the day.
I get myself ready. Then, laundry, meal planning, grocery store, cleaning, lunch.
I usually clean one room of the house really well one day a week. Dust, vacuum, mop, and more.
I make beds, take care of the dogs. 
If I'm lucky sometimes lunch with a friend. 
By the time this is all over I go get Alice. Get her a snack, do homework let her play.
Make dinner, clean up after dinner, get Alice a shower, and then she reads.
By the time 10 rolls around we are all in bed. 
We are busy and if I was not home to take care of all this no one would. 
I have no help, no family in town to jump in. I do most of it myself.
It is a huge privilege to have a husband that works so that I can do my job well. 
I often think if this verse and I have to say that I am proud to be working toward being a proverbs 31 woman!

The Virtuous Wife

10 Who[b] can find a virtuous[c] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Friday, September 27, 2013

New Day New Hope

Those of you who know me well know that I often jump the gun! Those of you who don't will know that of me soon enough. I almost did with Alice's school, but....they are amazing. I am so surprised at the love and dedication of the teacher. She was very reassuring and hopeful for Alice's future. Such a blessing. So I will remain at home, Alice will remain at school and we will be alright. This verse came to me again this morning. 
Psalm 91: 1-4.
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

I know God has a really great plan for Alice.


This was taken when she was 3. She painted because 
"The Paper Cried for Color..."